Slainte!

May 4th, 2004 Chris Posted in Uncategorized |

With the end of the year upon us, college students are filling the bars to capacity. Some of them are celebrating graduation, others are trying to wash away the bitter taste of finals. Either way, it’s never a bad idea to have a few toasts committed to memory. Here are some of my favorites:

There are several good reasons for drinking
and one has just entered my head.
If a man can’t drink when he’s living,
then how the hell can he drink
when he’s dead

Here’s to the perfect girl,
I couldn’t ask for more.
She’s deaf ‘n dumb, oversexed,
and owns a liquor store.

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
- Ernest Hemingway.

And finally, my favorite beer-related joke:

An Irishman, Englishman and Scottsman go into a pub
and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender
hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each
of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away
and demands another pint.

The Scottsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between
his fingers and shakes him while yelling, “Spit it out, ya bastard!
Spit it out!”

Good luck with your finals, all.