A mosquito did cry out in pain,
"A scientist's rotting my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
When Curtis Cooper and Steven Boone discovered the 44th Mersenne prime, Bruce Schneier had to change the combination on his luggage.
Man goes into a bar_ Can I have a pint of adenosine triphosphate please?
Barman_ Certainly sir, that'll be 80p
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. The waitress comes out and asks him if he would like to order. "Yes madame, I would like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress hurries back inside, and just as quickly comes back out and says to Sartre "I'm so very sorry monsueir, but we seem to be out of cream. Would you like it with no milk instead?"
via this AskMe thread