A few of my favorites from the Esquire "What I've Learned" series. (via Metafilter)
In my next life, I want to come back as either a proctologist, so I can deal with all the assholes I meet, or as a matador, so I can deal with all the bullshit. -- Phil Spector
Nowadays they say you need to get a special chip to put in the TV so the kids can't watch this and that. In my day, we didn't need that. My mom was the chip. End of story.
- Ray Charles
The ancient Greeks had a word for people who weren't interested in public affairs_ idiotes.
You trust your mother. But you cut the cards anyway.
- Dan Rather