This is for Everyone

Four baseball fans - a Red Sox fan, a Yankees fan, a Cardinals fan, and a Cubs fan - are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.

The Red Sox fan insists he is the most loyal. “This is for the Red Sox!” he yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the Yankees fan shouts, “This is for the Yankees!” and throws himself off the mountain.

The Cardinals fan is next, so he yells, “This is for everyone!” and then pushes the Cubs fan off the mountain.

Ridiculous 15-lateral play for the game winning touchdown.

The ball from Barry Bond’s 756th homer will be branded with an asterisk, then sent to Cooperstown.

Ripping Reyes

The Cardinals don’t stand a chance in hell of taking the central if they keep putting Reyes on the mound. I know he was the Game 1 World Series hero last year, but holy shit he can’t pitch worth a damn this year. He’s got an abysmal 2-12 record, an ugly 5.46 ERA, and he just gave up his second grand slam in two games.

He’s already been down to the the minors once this year. Send him back, already.

Re: ESPN pundits

At the start of the playoffs, 0 of 19 ESPN writers picked the Cards to win the World Series. At the start of the World Series, only 1 out of 10 picked the Cards to win. After tonight’s thrashing, I’d like to take a moment to offer those analysts a nice cup of SHUT THE HELL UP!!

Game 1 Score: 7-2 Cards.

The last time the Cardinals won the world series was 11 days before my birth. This may be the year I finally get to see a championship from outside the womb.

Soul Patch

All year long, Cardinals fans have been bemused and bewildered by Scott Spezio’s facial hair. Since spring training, he’s sported a bright red soul patch that pairs nicely with his uniform, but clashes with social norms.

Now that he’s on a post-season tear, his patch seems to have finally won over the hearts of Cards fans. Just ask all the people in the stands last night who had glued red feathers to their chins in solidarity. I wish I could find a picture, because words can’t really do the scene justice. Seeing 60 year old women sporting a bright red soul patch is beyond hilarious.

Who Knew?

From ESPN.com, a poetic, if somewhat misinformed, account of Jeff Suppan’s homer last night:

For a fleeting mini-moment, it looked like a replay of Scott Spiezio’s triple at Shea on Friday in which the right fielder, Shawn Green, swatted the baseball off the top of the fence and back into play. Except this time, Chavez crashed into the wall and swatted nothing but 100 percent, pure unadulterated oxygen.
(Link)

Wow, no wonder sports performances are getting better every year. They’re now pumping stadiums full of oxygen. (Just don’t light a match).

Composition of the atmosphere:

• 78% nitrogen
• 21% oxygen
• 0.93% argon
• trace amounts of other gases

Boys of Summer

A quick and dirty redesign to commemorate the Cardinals’ entry into the NLCS.

World Series, here we come!

(Refresh your browser if you don’t see the new red titlebar)

World Cup

Zidane is a thug. Did you see that headbutt? Losing your cool and putting your team a man down in overtime is inexcusable.

Also, how would you like to be Trezeguet, forever known as the guy who hit the crossbar and lost the world cup for France. Ouch.

Re: The Cardinals

Monday, I was pretty damn excited when Pujols hit that homer. I had a friend who was at the game, and I called him on his cell phone right after the ball left the stadium. He had no problem hearing my taunts - I think you could hear a pin drop in that stadium.

Last night was a little bit less fun. I went out to a bar with some friends to watch the game, and I’m almost 100% positive that I was the only Cardinals fan in the place. There’s nothing like being surrounded by rowdy fans of the other team to make you feel alone in your misery. No jersey or hat this time, but that didn’t stop me from getting flipped off twice. I suppose it would have been more, but most people just felt sorry for me.

Stupid Astros.

My buddies are all trying to convince me to root for Houston now, but I don’t think it’ll happen. I mean, that’d be like sleeping with the girl who just ran over your wife, right?

In Hostile Territory

Last night I went to a bar here in Houston to watch the Cardinals play the Astros. It was my feeling that since I would be grossly outnumbered, I should represent by wearing my Cardinals jersey and hat. (Is he brave or stupid, you might ask at this point…)

From what I could tell, there was only one other Cardinals fan in the whole damn place. From opposite sides of the bar, we booed the Astros’ double plays and cheered the Cardinals runs. And when Reggie Sanders belted his two-run homer, we made eye contact while cheering loudly and shared a moment.

Over the course of the evening, I racked up the following abuse:

• The barkeep mockingly refused to serve me twice.
• In line for the bathroom, I was told that Cardinals fans have to piss in the alley out back.
• I overheard countless “That guy’s wearing a fucking Cardinals jersey!” comments
• Several people also told me that I was brave.
• And by brave, I think they meant stupid.

No violence took place, though, and I had a good time watching the Cards smash the ’stros. Game 2 is tonight. Get your rally caps on!

Oh, and read this: Five things I’d ask every Supreme Court nominee if I sat on the Senate Judiciary Committee

News Briefs

• I’ve been accepted into the computational biology program at Baylor College of Medicine, and will be moving to Downtown Houston next fall.
• The actual name of the program is “Structural and Computational
  Biology and Molecular Biophysics”, but that’s way too long, so in casual conversation, I’ll continue to call it ‘computational biology’. (Most people look rather confused even at that).
• My spring break trip was great, and I promise pictures and details, as soon as I finish writing the second half of this XML parser in Lisp. (yes, that’s about as fun as it sounds…)
• My wearing of an Omaha Royals hat should not be misconstrued as support for the Kansas City Royals. I won’t say that I hate the KC Royals. It’s really more of a pity thing. No city should have to root for a team that sucks that much.
• School is… well… crappy right now. I don’t enjoy any of my classes, as they’re the ones that I put off until the end for a reason. Thankfully, nice weather has hit K-ville, and it’s brightened my mood considerably. It’s amazing what a little soccer or frisbee with friends will do for your disposition.

Respect the Redbirds

In case you haven’t noticed, my boys, the St. Louis Cardinals, are tearing it up right now. They’re running nine games up in the NL Central and six games ahead of anyone in the NL.

And to top it all off, they absolutely slaughtered our hated foes, the Cubbies, earlier this week. Albert Pujols had not one, not two, but THREE homers as part of a 5-for-5 night at Wrigley.

Honestly, does it get any better than that??

Eric Neel had this to say about the Cards:

So I’m going to say it right now. I am wrong. I am wrong to have doubted the Cardinals. I am wrong, very wrong, to have thought the Cubs could hang with this team. I am wrong, very, very wrong to have said that Houston even belonged in the same conversation with this team.

The Cardinals are right. Right as rain. Right as a rail, riding straight through to the playoffs.

And you want to know where I’ll be on the Cardinals from here on out? Right in front of the television, saying “I am wrong,” over and over and over again, like a mantra, like a desperate plea for forgiveness.

I’ve said it before, and been wrong, but this time, I FEEL it. This is our year. The Cards finish the Yankees off in Game 6 of the World Series.

Just remember: You heard it here first.